“You know this is Stage Four, right?”
Those were the words of the young “doctor” just before I left the hospital. “How long do I have?” I asked. “Is there any treatment?” (Those are pretty reasonable questions, right?) He threw down a couple of random treatment options and then said, “You will have to wait and talk to the doctor with 30 years of experience to get those answers.” I was in a “teaching hospital,” and I definitely believe this was handled improperly. I left the hospital an hour later feeling very unsettled, and I didn’t see my oncologist for a month.

I’m thankful for an ostomy training nurse who was in the room at the time. Mary Ann said, “Do you want to know what I heard? I heard that it is treatable.” OK. “Treatable.” It’s treatable. I have to focus on that, not stage four. OK. Let’s move forward. What do I do next? I have to tell the people I love, without scaring them to death. But I have to be honest. Stage four. Treatable. But deadly.

I updated my family and close friends, and then made the decision to share publicly on social media, so that I could have better control of the message as it spread behind-the-scenes. As much as I spend time disliking social media, it is a tremendous support in sharing information, marketing the B&B, and when I feel the need for prayer – especially targeted prayer.

A scheduling error kept me from meeting my oncologist for a month, giving me a lot of time to wonder if it would just be easier on everyone if I declined treatment, but when we met, he was exactly what I needed. He was clear: it’s treatable. I should choose treatment. Glenn and I left the appointment with joy our hearts, thanking the Lord for giving him to us. He has a tremendous reputation, is on the tumor board, well educated, years of experience, and… I just liked him! (He’s more my age than the intern’s, and that made me happy!) Thank you, Lord for my new doctor.

So, why am I telling the world all this in a blog post? Innkeepers manage illnesses all the time, including cancer. I faced surgery, chemo and radiation for breast cancer in 2016!

This is different. And I feel the need to share my heart. And… people are asking, and this is easier than the retelling time after time.

I have extensive cancer. Lots of cancer. Nodules and tumors – lungs, colon, and more. My doctor said the PET scan just lit up. My cancer is not curable, according to modern medicine. It’s expected to allow me very few more years of life.

But God.

But God. My cancer is treatable. Dear reader, I want you to know that I believe with my whole heart that God is the Great Physician. He can cure “incurable” diseases. He can bring people back to life. That’s faith. I have faith in God’s grace.

Is there anything in my life experience to support my faith? Yes, there are many things. Here’s a big one: I was actually brought back to life.
I was at a meeting at Illinois School for the Deaf when my lifetime heart defect caused my heart to stop beating. (Sudden Cardiac Arrest.) Later, I told my buddy the nurse that I almost died. She said, “You DID die!” Thanks to modern medicine, including people well-trained in CPR and a wall defibrillator, the Lord brought me back to life. I was dead.

But God.

Will God heal me of this cancer? Yes! Without a doubt! I know that He will.
Will it be here on earth, or in Heaven? That’s the part I don’t know. I would love if you would fervently ask the Lord for my healing. But don’t demand it. Don’t blame God if you don’t see it happen. Healing will happen. It just might not be before your very eyes.

More than my healing, I would love for you to pray for His will to be done in my life. Please pray for physical, mental and emotional strength as I face this battle. Please pray for Glenn as he is by my side. Pray for my family and friends as they provide ongoing support. Pray that my cancer battle will draw people to the Lord. Pray for my medical team. Please pray that I will that I’ll find joy in the journey and remain steadfast in my faith in God.

Due to the extent of my cancer, surgery and radiation are not viable options. My only medical option at this point is chemotherapy to shrink tumors and buy me some time. I saw my oncologist Thursday afternoon and they were able to schedule my echocardiogram at 7 AM Friday. My opportunity to have chemo was based on the outcome of the echo. It’s hard to think I really want to do chemotherapy, after my first go round, but in this case it’s the best plan if I want to live, and I needed to get the right results on the echo.

I posted on Facebook asking you to pray about it, and you did! The nurse called to say that I passed, so they will schedule the port surgery, and chemo will probably start December 27. This type of chemo is supposed to be less problematic for me than the chemo for breast cancer. I’m focused on the fact that this cancer is treatable. And I’d like to live some more I’m so thankful for the loving support I have to keep Blessings on State B&B operational. I’m thankful for so many who have prayed me through. Please keep it up. Pray in faith, believing.

I will go back to Simmons for the initial chemo infusion, then there will be a level of portability. I don’t understand it all, but I anticipate one week of chemo and its effects, and then a “good” week. Chemo week/good week. The actual medication will be changed as it ceases to be effective. As I understand it, this will be ongoing for my forever. But God. It will be a fight, but I have many on my side, and I am confident of the outcome. I have faith in God’s grace.

If you know me well at all, you know that I love, love, love Christmas! The story of Christmas is deeply rooted in my Christian faith and demonstrates God’s love and grace as we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. Christmas is a time when we reflect on the message of hope and salvation brought by Jesus. Through faith in Jesus, we all can find redemption, forgiveness, and eternal life. (Healing in Heaven, if not on earth.) God sending His Son is the ultimate act of love and compassion. This serves as a model for believers to express love and compassion towards others.

Those are the things I want you to know. I’m talking to doctors about a shortened lifespan, based on the limits of modern medicine. But God. I am encouraged that I can do chemo. I want you to be encouraged, too. Am I scared? I don’t really feel fear. I am uncertain about how I will handle the chemo. Not how it might change my appearance, but how much it will limit my ability to do things I love and how much will it increase my dependence on others. (Everyone has already been so wonderful!) I do feel some disappointment that things I dream of and hope for that may never come to pass. Big stuff like celebrations and babies and visiting family and friends near and far, and silly stuff like Biltmore at Christmas. But that’s a post for another day.

Blessings on State Bed & Breakfast is an award-winning all-suite inn located in Jacksonville, Illinois. Hospitality is our hallmark. We offer many amenities, including overnight accommodations in a 130-year-old vintage mansion, Wi-Fi, expansive lawn and gardens, all-season fireplaces, and multi-course breakfasts. Come see us! Our reviews reflect that guest satisfaction is a high priority.
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